Humor

Contemplating surveillance and tech censorship can be scary, but let’s enjoy the fight. Humor is also one of the best way to reach uninformed friends.

Send your friend or social media group a joke and a meme and then close with, “Now is a great time to keep your information private and promote Internet Freedom. Let’s switch to Signal: https://signal.org/install.”

Send them a second joke… you’d be surprised how many people will make the leap to secure communications if you just prime them and show them how. Make sure to follow up with a signal call or two. You can also make a signal group. Once people get the hang of it, they love it.

Of course, once they’re onboard, send them to the Action page.

Fun Jokes

Ordering a Pizza in 2022     

Absolutely Brilliant …

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER:
Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

Welcome to the future 🤖

Combacks

  • There are four types of people in the world.   
    1. People who believe in censorship

Bitter Pill Jokes

  • The worst thing about censorship is…     
    [REDACTED]

  • How to send a message from Siberia     

    A German worker gets a job in Siberia, aware of how all mail will be read by the censors, he tells his friends;

    “Let’s establish a code, if a letter you get from me is written in ordinary blue ink; it’s true, if it’s written in red ink, it’s false”

    After a month, his friends get the first letter;

    “Everything is wonderful here, the shops are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, cinemas show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls, the only thing you can’t get is red ink” (Credit – https://upjoke.com/censorship-jokes)

  • What happens if you take a popular website, add a dash of censorship…

    and allow the discretionary system of control to be based on the biases of individuals? [This post is locked. You won’t be able to comment.]ow the discretionary system of control to be based on the biases of individuals… [This post is locked. You won’t be able to comment.]

     

  • What’s the difference between Hong Kong protestors and Americans?
    Protestors do not tolerate censorship.
  • This one is horrible

    The man who saved Reddit

    In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

    Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

    A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free … again!

    But it was not to be – a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind’s will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

    Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

    He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom – there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

    As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings … but their peril is not yet passed.

    Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

    “Folks,” he says, a pained look on his kindly face, “I’m sorry, to do this, don’t cha’ know, but I got no choice, eh!”

    Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent’s smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

    “Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we aren’t gonna send you home over posting ideas on the interwebs, eh!”

    Everyone’s breath catches int heir throats at the unspoken “but”

    “But,” continues the guard, after a painful pause, “Stealing a vehichle is a crime, and I’m afraid I’m gonna have to trun whomever was driving this thing over to this agent here”

    The redditors are stunned and shocked, but true to his heroic nature, and unable to let another suffer on his account, the man who led the escape prepares to confess …

    But then the rest of the redditors jump to their feet one at a time, and do what redditors do best:

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    “I am the bus driver”

    A tear forms in the corner of the real-bus-driver’s eye. 
  • China just called
    They want their censorship back
  •  Brezhnev tells Carter about free speech in Russia   

  • Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.
    Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

Corny

  • The censorship is getting out of hand, they’re banning everyone named Anna!       
      This is banannas!
  • What do Russians use to censor websites?
      The Inter-nyet.
  • What do the Chinese call their navy?
      Censor-ships
  • The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating…
     The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore.
The Inter-nyet.

 

Proud Nerd Jokes

  • Why is Blizzard so quick to resort to censorship?
    Because they’re nothing more than a bunch of snowflakes.

  • Say what you will about censorship on Reddit
    [removed]

  • This new censorship by Nintendo is horrible….
    [wiimoved]
     

Credits

  • https://upjoke.com/censorship-jokes
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